Image of woman with red hair and mouth wide open under a branch with a bird on it. On hair it says "feelings are not facts."

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), is different than other diagnoses, such as depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder. It involves ingrained patterns of relating to yourself and others in ways that causes intelligent, charismatic people swing from feeling self-assured to feeling in their bones that there isn’t a place for them in this world.

People who live with BPD have lack a sense of self, unstable interpersonal relationships, and an inability to manage emotions.  As a result someone with BPD often feels a sense of profound emptiness, like they might not know who they are.

Photograph of Ferris Wheel, representing the BPD Relationship Cycle

The BPD

Relationship

Cycle

This cycle and the behaviors it involves is a common experience for people with BPD. Often, they will meet someone and immediately feel a connection. Within a few days or weeks that person might become a best friend, mentor or lover — or all three.

Then, suddenly, this person will do something that is really upsetting to the person with BPD. It might be something that others don’t see as a big deal — but someone with BPD will have a strong reaction. They might hate the person and cut them off.  

With a lack of skills on how to deal with the distress caused by BPD and by the BPD relationship cycle, people with BPD will often seek out actions or activities that will numb the emotional pain they are experiencing.  Often, these coping mechanisms will work well in the moment but leave them feeling empty and guilty later on. These activities include: drinking heavily, cutting or trying to die.  

Living with

BPD …

can be

incredibly

lonely

and

painful.

Photograph of South Asian woman balancing on one leg and wearing sunglasses, with the text "Pain is Inevitable, suffering is optional".

If you see aspects of yourself in the BPD cycle but you don’t know how to stop it, what can you do?  

  1. First, start by validating yourself.

    Your emotions make sense in the context of your life. You have chosen actions that have gotten you through so much. And also you can do so much more.

  2. Next: reach out for help.  

    There is an evidence-based treatment for BPD called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

    Dialectical Behavior Therapy was designed to help people who struggle with intense emotions by teaching them to communicate effectively and helping them to become better at dealing with stressful situations.

    DBT is different from other treatments because, in addition to psychotherapy, it involves a skills component where you learn and practice 75 tangible skills and then learn how to use them to change your life.